Book Update #6

    It’s been a couple of months since my last blog. I recently submitted my book for formatting and the process takes roughly two weeks, so we’re looking at Halloween or sometime during the week. I get to check it out make sure everything looks good to go then its just getting it up and running onto Amazon and setting a release date.

   Since my last update, I have moved from South Carolina to Wisconsin. I have a girlfriend who is pretty amazing and is super supportive of me who is the coolest person I know. I start a permanent job Friday and haven’t been happier in a long time.  I recently got bogged down with the “big move” and some medical hangups that kept me down along with getting used to the new place and my focus and direction got misdirected.

   I’m still writing, though it has drastically cut back the last couple of months. I’m deep into book 2 and slowly getting back into a rhythm to see this thing through, after all, I do want to be a full-time author one day.

   Anyway, once I clear my book for the go ahead,  I’ll know a release date and move on to the next step!

Book Update #5

Unfortunately, there was a huge issue with getting the book out, but now that is taken care of and the final steps will go into effect the second week of September. The book will more than likely come out in October, but that’s only if things go smoothly.

At the moment of this writing, I am 53k words into book two. I hope to have book two out within eight months of releasing book one. The thing now is to market this book and hope to get a fair amount of traffic. I went into a dry spell for an almost a month, but since I am now leaving for Wisconsin in a week and a half my last day at work was last weekend and has given me time to just sink into my work. At this rate, there’s a good possibility I could have book two done before I move.

If you would like to follow my author page you can find the facebook link here:

I also have an Instagram:

Book Update #4

Well, I’m behind schedule, not because of my own doing, but because of delayed works of others. My editor fell three weeks behind, and now my formatting is 3 weeks behind and hasn’t even started yet. I had hoped to release the book at the start of September, but that is highly unlikely now. I am slightly frustrated, but at the end of the day I tell myself, it will all happen when it’s supposed to happen.

In the meantime, I’m preparing to move to Wisconsin and my work(DG)has known about me leaving for two months. I’m slowly being “cut down” as my work days have gone from 5-6 days a week to 3 while they replace me. That gives me time between now and then to continue writing book two. I won’t lie, I’m enjoying it.

There’s been a lot of oppostion it seems, and more often than not it seems like somehow everything I’ve worked on and committed to will all be for naught. I was on my way home from Clemson when I thought about all of the cars on the road, how each of those cars had at least one person. I thought myself “all these people going by, how many actually think about, how in every single vehicle on the road at the moment, is a person, a life, a story being told that most will never hear of, care about, or know what is happening to that person today or on a daily basis. I thought about how I feel like a faint shimmering star in the distance that no one cares to observe and question what it beholds, what it could be. Instead, most people never give it a second thought or a chance. I feel like that’s how a lot of sad, lonely people feel daily. Though I am neither sad or lonely, I can apply that to writing and be striving to be a full-time author.

I enjoy writing for myself a way to tell stories and be myself. But I think deep down, a lot if not everyone, would like to be recognized for their works. I don’t claim to be some great writer, and I’m mediocre at that in my own opinion, but it would be nice to know that there’s a chance that I can do this for a living with what years I have on this earth. It’s a challenge, everyone says market, market, market, and I’ve been marketing for 2 years now. There are a handful of people who are interested and it seems that no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to gain any ground. Maybe I’m just bad at marketing myself. But then again maybe It’ll work out and I’ll be surprised with unexpected engagement. I think we all wish we could just run into that one person that could help change the outcome of things we desire. Working with people such as editors, formatters, and the like it feels like no one wants to be “involved” with the work, they are just there to do the job. Which does get to me, because I feel like they see it, read it, and think, meh just another story with no passion or compelling craftsmanship. Probably doesn’t help that I’m a person who constantly needs affirmation. I sound like a debbie downer and I know I’ve got people who care and want to see me succeed. Having that is more than some people can say. So don’t get me wrong, I appreciate every one of them and believing in me.

But whatever happens over the course of next year, I plan on writing, working the 9-5 and enjoying what life offers me. Even if it comes to nothing years down the road, I did something that many wish they could do, and that I had fun doing it.


Book Update #3

Today I saw that my first interview released, today just also happens to be the day I posted my “teaser” trailer for my upcoming book. There’s two more trailers that I think progress in awesomeness, but they’ll be reveled later.

I’ve been hunting down anyone that will do podcast, interviews, or write an article, but alas not many people are interested in what I’m working on. I’ve got a little while to go before my book releases, but I’m waiting on the last couple of chapters to come in so that I can forward them to the publisher to get formatted.

You can check out the blog interview here:

The YouTube channel with different content about the book is here:

The teaser is here:

I’ve been working 6 days a week the last couple of weeks and will again next week, because of this I haven’t had a lot of time to work on book two, but hopefully things will slow down and smooth themselves at work so that I can get back to what I love doing most.



Book update #2

Okay, so its been a little while. Good news is that editing is done! Formatting is the next step then getting it onto Amazon. I’ll be releasing it as a paperback and digital. Maybe down the road I can do an audio book as well. I’ve also been doing weekly posts showing off the concept art I had done. There’s also three videos that I will post as book “trailer” more of a teaser really. I’m super excited to finally be done with writing book one. My hope is to do fairly well the first year, and hopefully have book two done within a year’s time, but with work and life things are unpredictable. The last two months I’ve had only one day off and most of them are actually half days. 

The only hard thing left now to decide on is the release date….

Book Release Update #1

Today I paid my editor to do the final edit of my first book(Providence) of my space opera series Sanctum of Aevum. If all goes well, my book cover will be completed in a few weeks and all that will remain is formatting then onto publishing. To think that by the time this book finally arrives late July or early August, it will be three years. Like my life, this book went through a lot of changes in that short amount of time, and with each change became better.

There are a handful of people who stuck by my side, some that offered aid at a certain time, and others that simply didn’t care. But in the end all of them have helped shape me, and a couple have come to be a huge part of my life now. I hope and believe with everything I hold dear and cling to that this book will do well enough over the course of the year that I can seriously consider doing creative writing for a living. I’m not sure any other job in the world could come close to what writing stories does for me. To be able to be at a place where I can live out a dream would be, well a dream come true.

I look forward to seeing what happens, all the time, money, and effort put into this series, it would be devastating to see it utterly fail after so long putting in my best work. I wouldn’t necessarily give up writing, it would just end up on the back burner of my life as I look toward maintaining a simple life.

I’m just going to have faith that this will work out. Yeah…its about time something did for a change. I’m excited.

Awkwardness and Friendship

 A little bit of a rant today. 

I appreciate social media and online interaction. It is great for connecting like minded people from over hundreds of miles, to discover, to share the good and be apart of something bigger than ourselves.  There is no greater feeling than to be understood and to be able to express ourselves without being judged. 

On the downside, when things happen to people, which seems to be happening a lot in the past few weeks among my “friends” has resulted in a lot of broken hearts. And occasionally I see bitterness, sadness, anger, and sometimes hatred and it kind of sent me into a frenzy.

I’m in the broken heart camp right now too. The problem with all of this is that you can’t really “be there” for the people you’ve come to care about over the years. They open up to you, you want to be more for them, but all you can be is an ear for them. You become just some guy without face. You can’t just be like, “hey lets go for a drive, or lets go hang out.” You’re just a person on the other side of a screen for social media.

And though I think most people generally do care, there’s a negative stigma about men and women when they express themselves to someone of the opposite sex. This can go both ways without a doubt, but since I’m a guy it’s easier to see it from our side for the sake of discussion. I think people assume they don’t really care with alternative motives, and yeah that happens, but I see people hold back from saying anything because they’re afraid they’ll be labeled as a creep or stalker or just trying to get into their pants. I see posts from people time to time that I don’t really know and be like, wow that sucks, I feel terrible for them, I should say something, but I refrain from doing so because of that very reason, I don’t want to be branded or the fact that hey, maybe they honestly don’t care if I said anything. 

And it’s a shame. Social media has become an outlet for spewing hate and expressing the bad side of life. We could do so much better as Humanity and be uplifting, but we let the hurt blind us and we lash out in ways that create a vicious cycle. People are full of jealously and hate seeing people rise above their demons or escape entrapment that they needed to get past. Too often people want to bring them down and keep them there with them. They want to be justified in their attitude and be in the right. I myself have struggled with this, but I feel like I’ve recognized it over the years and have greatly improved. We don’t shower those in need of praise and congratulate them in their accomplishments. There’s a reason why it’s scientifically proven that social media causes depression. And I think this is a key contributing factor. 

So if you’re reading this, know that people care. If I know you, I’ve probably seen your post and I do care. Though I know I may not really be anything more than an acquaintance or a friend to you, I really do care and wish I could be there to give a positive word or just a simple gesture such as a hug.  

That’s something I’ve let slip away from my old personality. I may have never been more than a friend to people, but I’ve always been willing to be there despite what someone thinks of me. Even if those people never gave a second thought about me, or spoke to me again, it was the fact that I reached out. Sometimes I think about going back into the “field” getting back into the camp scene and reach out to the youth. But I don’t know if I can yet. I’m still not sure if I’m ready to go back into the fire. I laugh because now that I think about it at this very moment, I know why people never felt more for me. Because I played the role of comforting friend, but that’s just how I am. A blessing and a curse I suppose. Don’t give up, things can get better. 

Roughly 95 Days

 So I’m roughly 95 days out from having my first book published. It’s exciting. I can’t wait.

So in four days, I’ll be moving to a tiny town of less than 300 people. My life went from scrambled and a mess to slowly coming together over the last couple years. I’ve met some people here and there, mostly acquaintances and a few friends I’ve gained along the way and despite some struggles, I think I’m happy over all. I’ll be “starting over” new job, new place, new home, and a new journey.

Sometimes it feels like there is something at work, I’ve had too many coincidences and events happen, as if they were timed perfectly. Like a guiding hand, and sometimes I think people do come into my life that reinforce my own beliefs as confirmation.

Either life is just really good at timing things, or there’s something out there directing me. I think after all that has happened, I’ve learned to live with who I am, and what I believe. Though to the many others it is odd, strange, and “not the way things are done” I recently had someone remind me what it is like to have a creative personality. We tend to follow the flow of creativity thriving within. We go from music, to writing, or photography, to whatever is drawing us, so that we express, to keep creating. We struggle to sit down and do the 9-5, to have benefits and to live a “normal” life.  And when we think back to all of things we were involved in, and what we accomplished, knowing that if we hadn’t chased those things we would have missed out on things people wish they could have done. The experience in the end is worth it. To challenge ourselves to chase after things we believe we can accomplish.

I’ve mentioned it before, that I think I’m always going to be single, and it’s not that I don’t have confidence in myself, it is that I don’t believe that someone could understand all that I’ve gone through and that creative perspective I hold and be willing to deal with an emotional male with the garbage that people would like to think would never happen to them. There are so many things against me that amount to being an unlikely candidate for many reasons and I understand that. I’ve accepted those generic expectations and flaws, but I still enjoy who I am and where I’ve come from.


Anyway sappy mope, blah blah stuff.

I should have a release date for book one in the next month or two. It would be great if things just keep coming together, I could use a break for a change of pace.

Book Conundrum

So I’ve been busy. Starting April, I will be working with a publisher to get book one out by late July early August.

Now there are a few relationships that develop throughout my series, some more emphasis on others, and not all are romance, but there’s one in particular I am loving, but struggled to decide exactly how I want it to go. In recent months, I have been pulled towards one of the alternative outcomes and think I’ve settled with it, but I wanted to see other peoples thoughts on the matter, so I asked around.

Without saying who these characters are for spoiler purposes in the years to come, I’ll dive right into. 

I recently asked a very small portion of people, 15, 1 male, 14 females to be exact, a question.

Here is the scenario:

A boy grows up seeing only death and destruction into a “young man”. He’s the protective, compassionate, sense of justice kind of guy but also needs emotional support, but when he gets that support  he’s over ambitious and stubborn. He also has a slight spiritual belief that something allows things to happen. He holds to these ideals and over time keeps failing and watching everything and everyone he knows die or go missing. He is alone. After awhile he is thrown into the “wild” and continues surviving the impossible, but the wounds of life are too deep and he eventually gets beaten into the ground mentally and emotionally to the point he is dead inside. With nothing left he holds to a belief that whatever it is keeping him alive, wants him to suffer. That his only purpose is to be a tool and to help those around him because he himself is nothing. Accepting this fate, bad things continue to happen and he continues to survive betrayal, wars, circumstances of difficult situations and he becomes a very distant. 

Now somewhere between all of the latter half of that paragraph, after being alone, a young woman shows up. She is strong. A great sense of empathy, good will, and on the verge of being a do-gooder. She also has a great gift of compassion. She too is unlikely thrown into wilds after some time, but unlike the man, she has people around here that she can cling to, she has also had a solid upbringing of both negative and positive life experiences.

Over time they have to trust each other, and both learn and grow from each other. He sees the positive, and she see’s the negative. This brings about many discussions throughout the series. The two are constantly thrown into the fire together and he continues to try and let himself die. But she wants him to keep going, to believe that something better is out there and constantly saves him. 

After a remarkable journey to a certain point in the story, they have to make a choice, more so her than he.

He at this point has improved, but after what he’s been through, he can not go back to what would feel mundane and meaningless. He sees through his goal, and with everyone he’s set out with, to see that they succeed, there is nothing left for him to do. He will never be able to let the feeling go of being nothing more than an aide to someone. He knows he would be a burden, despite his best efforts, he isn’t sure he could ever rise above himself.And he doesn’t want to bring her down. After all she is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

She however has many things to do that can make differences as well as moving on with what has happened. She knows him, she sees the good in him and what he is capable of. They had grown close as friends clearly.  For all the times they were there for each other, his comfort and compassion she found herself conflicted multiple times if she actually ever was or is on an intimate emotional level with him. (Clear signs of both friendship and intimacy. Confused about love, sympathy, friendship kind of thing. Never fully committed to pursuing, but more than a teased thought.)She wants to move on because she’s (scared?*), but struggles knowing leaving would only break him, leaving him alone would  send him back to a fragile state he had come from. But she couldn’t help but to be there, because  fate demanded it apparently. There was no way getting around it.  

Does she go? Does he go? Do they stay together? Other possibilities?

Now most of the answers have been similar. If not the exact same response. I’ll give their reasoning as well. 

Of the 15 responses: 

12 said She goes: They ALL gave the relationship a 10% chance of working out. And they ALL gave the almost exact same response. And that she would leave him. The reason for this, is because women are already heavily emotional based. To have to deal with it more so wouldn’t be worth it despite the journey. They also say it isn’t impossible,  certainly difficult, but rare to see someone go through with something like that. She would have to be an “extraordinary” person willing to commit to something like that.

1 said: They both go on mutual terms. Didn’t really give a reason explained more of a plot idea.

1 said he leaves: Reasoning, he knows he is weak and pathetic, but at least is man enough to leave himself. Without burdening her, he takes off and lets her live a life. 

1 said stays *maybe*: The woman would have to know how serious and deep she can be, if she thinks she can handle the baggage, they should stay. Would have had to go through the journey where she knew she had romantic feelings for him. Based on her description she isn’t the shallow type, but knowing she could break him would make things worse. It’s a difficult choice. One that would require a lot of thinking/soul searching.

Feel free to leave your thoughts on the subject and thanks for reading.



New Year

With 2017 upon and having the internet once more. I’m going to attempt to write once a week throughout the year.

I’m always trying to decide what to write about. Something positive, something negative, do I touch on a subject? But in the end I always just write about what I’m feeling.

Lately I’ve been thinking about time, giving, success, and loneliness.

It isn’t much on the topics but it’s something for the meantime.

Ever since I started writing and the events of 2014, time has seemed so much more important to me and precious. Yet I find myself on some days saying is this really what I want to be doing. Sitting around and just wasting my day on mindless activities? And the answer is yes. It’s good to not be serious and so demanding of life. Yeah there are priorities and things that have to be done, but if we stress out about them and let them control us, our environment and outlook on life becomes less meaningful and pleasant. This is probably why I’ve become a lot more relaxed and reserved over the recent years.

It amazes how often someone can give their time and effort to help or volunteer, and those around them ask more of them, or worse, others are only seeking benefits for later. I have found this to be true more often than not. I know I’ve been a victim of such assumptions. Recently I’ve seen multiple projects and circumstances for many people when they need help or for a great cause. People flee from it, and when that same person is doing well, people want to be around them, they flock like birds migrating. It’s a sad state in which we live and it kind of stinks. Because I know people who sometimes give more than they should as little as it be and never have the fortune of being repaid. Yet those with are often none giving. Yet these very people are the ones that say others should give, as long as it is not themselves. Society today is filled with words and no action. Many people expect to reap the rewards of someone else’s hard work or to show them how to get instant gratification. These people are the same ones that would also justify why they are right to do so.

Finally success. When you think of success most people think of money, or a career job and a family etc.

For me success is of the state of mind, an understanding of life outside the demands of society. To learn to enjoy the world and its beauties. Would I like to be successful as far as wealth? Yes. Sure, wouldn’t we all? And I think that I’m okay with not having any of it. It’s a rare gem when I see people who are able to cope and be happy with life, doing what they love, and making ends meet. But the thing I’ve noticed, those same people are usually lonely and most of the time alone. There seems to be a disconnect. Maybe I’m simply not around those people or never have met them, but from the thousands of people I’ve interacted with over the years and many hundreds that I know, most of the time, the two don’t go together. Usually there’s always a sacrifice for one or the other.

My biggest goals in life were to prove to my mother, father and sister that I was capable of achieving something great. That carried over to those that hurt me in middle school and high school, then into college from peers. And over time that’s taken the face of many things. I’ve accomplished things people dream of doing, and yet was it fulfilling? In the end not so much as one might think. If you have the passion and not love for the passion, that fire dwindles.

Now that my sister and mother are gone, there’s still my father, who is a man who works within the world. Everything I’ve said to this point he would disagree and tell me I’m chasing fairytales. He loves that I pursue these things, but wishes I wouldn’t and set my path to making a decent living and maybe settle down. He seems conflicted all the time between wanting to believe I will make it and wanting me to step away and accept the way things are. But everything within me fights back like a tropical storm just hitting the coast. And it’s hard sometimes. Sometimes I think I should, and maybe if I do, I’ll be more appealing to those around me, maybe give up my dreams for someone else who might find worth in me. Would it be worth it then? Loneliness is my biggest enemy in life it seems, one that I don’t know that will ever be conquered.

Now I’m just going to ramble on about things and call it a night.

More often than not I find these wonderful people in my life, and we connect, but what only takes me a few days to begin to understand someone, takes others months if not years, because of how much I pull back. I think most of that is due to fear of growing close and having them step away due to me being “Weird”. Believe it or not has happened on many occasions. Sometimes I find someone that I’m really getting along with and maybe develop emotional feelings for someone, though that person is entirely just a friend. I think I long for affection more than anything. It amazes me how often I do this. Observing, listening, studying, and you learn so much. That you feel like you’ve known each other for years, yet they know nothing about you. A gift of discernment I guess mixed with empathy, and a strategic mindset. Things just click and come together.

Even in all my weakness I have strength. A stubborn will, some kind of barrier that I have developed that I don’t know how to bypass. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get past this emotion. Something deep within resist even myself, and I’ve never understood what that might be. Even when I want to stop, it’s like my body just says too bad, gonna keep going if you don’t.